Journal
by inugrl21
Summary: Vash stumbles across Meryl's journal of their times together.


"Where did you say it was again?"

"Top drawer of the dresser on the right hand side."

"Ah."

The door to the small bedroom opened with a creak. 'Man. We need to oil these hinges,' thought the tall blond man who walked into the room. He glanced left, than right, finally spotting the dresser. He crossed to the piece of furniture and slid open the top drawer.

"Exactly where she said," Vash muttered to himself, as he pulled the derringer cleaning cloth from its place. As he turned away, he noticed a small book that had been underneath the cloth. About the size of his hand, covered in red leather, and bound shut with a length of twine, the book oozed a sense of secrecy.

'Hmm.' The gunman quickly glanced over his shoulder to see if Meryl had decided to see what was taking him so long. No movement was evident, so Vash ventured to take a small risk. He reached into the drawer once again, this time extracting the book. Untying the twine, he allowed the book to fall open to the first page.

 _January 5_

 _Today, Millie and I received our first big assignment. The chief has ordered us to track down and survey the outlaw known as Vash the Stampede, aka the Humanoid Typhoon. I must say that I am very excited, and yet terrified. This is the man who, single-handedly, destroyed the city of July all those years ago. Granted no one was actually killed, but to be able to level a city… whoo. Some of my co-workers(Karen, especially) think that we're crazy to accept this assignment. I guess they're right in a sense, but I'm just so tired of being cooped up in an office. A chance to travel and see new places, even it means being in the company of a dangerous outlaw. I can hardly wait!_

 _I have decided to make this travel journal of our experiences. Finally I have a use for this birthday present Mom gave me. Well, we're supposed to leave first thing in the morning, so I'd better start packing. Good Luck to myself and Millie!_

Vash slowly closed the cover. A journal of all her adventures with him? This could be an interesting read. But the reaction to this invasion of privacy, if discovered, would be catastrophic. Then again he could find out exactly what she thought of him. 'Decisions, decisions.'

"Vash? Is everything all right in there?" The voice of the short insurance girl drifted through the door, followed by the sound of footsteps.

'Crap!' The sneaky gunman panicked, hastily stuffing the journal down the front of his shirt, just as Meryl stepped into the room. Slamming the drawer shut, he whirled around, striking one of his infamous poses, while proclaiming, "Of course everything's all right with the Legendary Humanoid Typhoon around."

Slightly bemused, Meryl crossed her arms over her chest with a disbelieving "uh-huh". Realizing she wasn't going to fall for the act so easily, Vash dropped his stance and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry. Here's the cleaning cloth," he said, holding out the article he had been sent for.

"Thanks, Vash." Meryl took the item and turned around to leave the room. "Come on. For some reason I don't trust you in my room with your suspicious behavior right now."

"What?! How can you say that?" the gunman exclaimed, while placing a hand over his heart in mock indignation. Unfortunately his fingers landed on the outline of the journal that was hidden there. With a mental sigh, Vash vowed to replace the book as soon as humanly (or plant-ly) possible. Shaking off the thought, he followed the short woman out of the room with only a small guilty glance back at the dresser.

Later that night…

 _March 20_

 _We finally arrived in the city of Felnarl, where we believe the Humanoid Typhoon is currently located. It has been difficult to track his movements, especially since there is no conclusive description of the man. The best consensus we have managed to come up with is that he is tall, wears red, has a Mohawk or spiky hair, and a severe liking for donuts. Hopefully today is the day we catch up to the walking disaster._

 _In preparation for the meeting, I have purchased a small gift of his favorite food. Millie says that we should be prepared for anything, so we will be packing our weapons._

 _Not that I would have gone anywhere without them anyway._

 _March 21_

 _The initial attempt to contact the Humanoid Typhoon has ended in disaster. Not only were Millie and I put into danger, but the town of Felnarl was buried under a landslide. Thankfully no one was hurt._

 _The day started off fine, with us approaching who we perceived to be Vash the Stampede. However, upon closer examination of the situation, it appeared there was a confusion of identity. Three men were involved, a bounty hunter called Ruth Loose, a giant wearing red and carrying an enormous boomerang, and a broom-headed idiot who didn't have a clue. The giant was under the impression that the idiot was Vash the Stampede, while Millie and I, as well as Ruth Loose thought the giant was. After a quick discussion with his men, the giant thought that maybe Ruth was actually the Humanoid Typhoon. This led to an all out brawl between them, causing me to make the executive decision to run away._

 _Unfortunately I soon made the executive decision to return as well. After realizing that our possible target may end up causing more damage if left alone, I decided that Millie and I needed to return and attempt to stop the fight. The idiot, who somehow managed to escape with us (and eat all of the donuts that I'd brought) was sent into town to warn the people to evacuate._

 _Upon returning, we were captured and strung up. Very embarrassing, if I do say so myself. What was more embarrassing was that we were rescued (sort of) by the idiot. Using more guts than brains, he somehow managed to avoid being shot, released us, and defeated the giant. Unfortunately, Ruth Loose managed to detonate a bomb, which caused the avalanche that buried Felnarl._

 _I don't know what happened to the idiot after that. I just hope that we don't run into him again._

 _March 28_

 _After the debacle with Felnarl, Millie and I decided to beat a hasty retreat. Unfortunately we underestimated our supplies and ran short of water. Luckily, we found a settlement. But the town was almost as dry as the rest of the desert. Only one house had any water, that of Mr. Cliff._

 _Imagine my surprise when none other than the broom-headed idiot answers the door AND Mr. Cliff was calling him Vash the Stampede. Apparently Mr. Cliff had advertised for a bodyguard, specifically for one Vash the Stampede and the idiot was the only one to answer the ad. Therefore he became Vash the Stampede. The reason for the ruse was Miss Marianne, a house guest of Mr. Cliff._

 _Mr. Cliff claims to be protecting her, but something seems fishy with her. Or maybe it's the fact that the idiot keeps trying to sexually harass her. I have personally busted him 3 times, trying to sneak into her room._

 _Wait, I think I hear him trying to do it again. I'll be back._

 _That wasn't him. It was Marianne. She's acting very suspicious. I think I'm going to follow her and find out what's going on. I will return to this entry soon._

 _March 29_

 _Well, last night was fun. After my final entry for the night, events escalated quickly. Following Marianne led to a run in with the idiot, followed by finding a secret passageway. Naturally Millie and I investigated further. The idiot just had to tag along._

 _Coming to the end of the passage revealed an extensive underground facility designed to hijack all the water in the area. Mr. Cliff and Marianne were facing off but it was hard to hear what they said over the roar of water._

 _The next thing I knew, that idiot was diving into the water and tumbling ass over head, screaming the whole way down. Millie and I just stared as he confronted the two combatants. The serious look on his face was completely out of place. Then something happened. Mr. Cliff fired at him from almost point blank and the idiot managed to dodge! It was faster than I could see. I was shocked speechless. Until he began screaming. Screaming, flailing, and dodging every single bullet. It was amazing._

 _He finally ended up in front of Mr. Cliff. He must have smacked him in the forehead, because Mr. Cliff fell backward, dropping his gun._

 _Well, long story short, Marianne turned out to be a Federal Marshall investigating the illegal water dealings and the idiot rode off into the sunset, once again refusing to give his name._

 _I'm glad everything turned out well. Although I do NOT appreciate the Marshall's inference that I can't recognize a good man when I see one. I can too. It's just that idiot isn't one._

 _Maybe._

 _April 4_

 _We finally arrived in the next town, a relatively small burg, currently without a sheriff. We stopped off for lunch at a little café. Shortly after receiving our food, Millie shouted "Mr. Vash!". Turning my head, who should I see but the broom-headed idiot. He returned Millie's greeting and continued on his way. I proceeded to explain to Millie that the idiot simply couldn't be Vash the Stampede. Then she came back with unfaltering Millie logic. "It must be him because he answered when I called his name."_

 _She does have a point. Although I absolutely can't believe that he is Vash the Stampede._

 _After lunch, we were walking back to the hotel when we saw the idiot writhing about in front of a group of spectators. Apparently the town drunk decided he had found his new best friend and had latched on like a leech. I continued walking even when the idiot begged for help. He can get himself out of trouble without my help._

 _The rest of the day was uneventful._

 _April 5_

 _Today we had another encounter with "Vash the Stampede". I put that in quotations, because it was obviously not him. First off, he fit absolutely none of the descriptive criteria and secondly, he was a jerk._

 _When we approached him (as we must for all possible rumors), he dragooned us into helping him rob the bank. We would have protested, but that many men versus the two us? Not good odds, especially with innocent bystanders._

 _On one of our trips back outside to stack up the money bags, I noticed the idiot walking towards the bandits, wearing, of all things, a trash can lid on his head. I wasn't sure what he would do, but slashing the bandits' car's tires was not it. Then he proceeded to hold up the bandits with something in his pocket (obviously his finger). And amazingly enough, it worked. I suppose it helped that the rest of the town pulled out pistols as well. The idiot's new best friend came up behind the gang leader and pulled the finger gun routine and forced the bandits to surrender. It was a pretty impressive feat._

 _Once the bandits were tied up and tossed aside, the party started. I'm on my way now. Here's hoping Millie doesn't drink too much. Again. Don't want a repeat of last year's Christmas party._

 _April 20_

 _For some reason, every time I walk into a bar, I get the feeling something bad will happen. Maybe it's just because all sorts of lowlifes hang out in bars, or maybe it's because every time I enter one something bad DOES happen. Who knows._

 _Well today was no different. The bar we walked into today was quiet, except for the card game that was going on. Some girl was beating the pants off the big burly men she was playing with. They got tired of losing and soon left. That's when all hell broke loose._

 _A group of 7 men came in and held up the bar, also taking hostages, namely Millie, myself, and the girl. The bartender and the girl's servant were also thrown into the mix. Great way to spend the day, tied up and tossed on the floor._

 _And of course that idiot had to show up again. This time he literally danced his way into the mess. What kind of moron doesn't recognize a dangerous situation when he sees one? The broom-headed variety of course._

 _Well all I can say is that everything escalated and somehow the idiot worked everything out. Again. How does he do that?_

 _And as for knowing the smell of gun powder. Please. He probably caught a glimpse of my derringers during one of our other encounters. I can't believe anyone could tell just by smell._

 _Once again Millie, he is NOT Vash the Stampede._

 _May 1_

 _Ok, so I guess he is Vash the Stampede._

 _It's hard to dispute when the entire town of Inepril is chasing him down for the bounty on his head._

 _When we arrived, the chase was already underway and had been for some time. I dragged us straight to the HQ tent where the mayor and sheriff were running the show. As soon as we got there, I began my insurance spiel that I've worked so hard on perfecting. Unfortunately, I was soon interrupted by a little girl, or maybe fortunately, because she was reporting that Vash the Stampede had been cornered._

 _But I guess it was too late. The mayor had already called in a backup team, if the Nebraska family can be called that. The father and son team was too extreme and almost killed all the innocent women who had been holding Vash the Stampede captive. The only reason they weren't dead was because the notorious gunman had protected them._

 _When the dust cleared, I was amazed to see the bristling hairstyle of the idiot. But this was not the same man who had been bumbling his way into my life the last couple of months. He was serious, quiet, and determined. There was also an aura of strength and danger around him that I couldn't reconcile with the man I had known. Then_ _I remembered a few incidents when this man had appeared._

 _To say I was shocked is a gross understatement. I was flabbergasted (I love that word. Don't get to use it as often as I would like.) to find the idiot here, not being the idiot that I knew. I kept trying to deny the truth, but those attempts were shattered when he defeated the Nebraskas with only 6 bullets. No one but Vash the Stampede could do that._

 _Later, while the town was celebrating the bounty they would receive for the Nebraska family, I asked Vash why he had never countered my vehement denials of his identity. He merely shrugged and said that I had never directly asked for his name._

 _The table received a few more dents from my forehead smacking into it._

 _May 14_

 _Vash, you idiot! Just because it's a pretty girl, doesn't mean you have to follow her around like a lovesick puppy! GAHH!_

 _Wait. Why I am so upset about this? If he wants to act like that and drool over some woman who is obviously hiding ulterior motives, what's it to me? I mean, it's not like I care. As long as he's not out destroying things and causing chaos, why should I bother?_

 _Aww, man. Don't tell me I'm…Jealous?_

 _Nope, not possible. Completely beyond the realm of possibility. No way in hell. Absolutely not. I refuse to believe that I could be jealous over that broom-headed idiot._

 _Although I will say that he could have found a better woman to trail after. Miss Elizabeth just seems off to me. No woman that beautiful could be interested in that idiot unless she had ulterior motives._ _Even if he is really handsome._ _Umm, forget I said that last part._

 _May 17_

 _Steamships are definitely not my favorite form of travel. As with bars, something bad always seems to happen to me when I board one. One time it was giant rats, another time some lecherous drunk would NOT leave me alone until I shoved a derringer in a certain part of his anatomy._

 _This time it's the itty-bitty bunk space that Millie and I managed to work our way into grabbing. And I mean literally work. The snack bar is thankfully not the worst job I've ever had._

 _And we actually managed to track down Vash. Or should I say, stumbled upon him when he came to buy an armful of snacks. I'm still mad about the fact that he tried to lose us by sneaking onto this god awful machine._

 _Now our shift has finished and Millie is already fast asleep in her ridiculously tiny bunk. No idea how she fit herself in there. I should probably wrap this entry up and get some sleep too. Hopefully, small sleep space will be the only thing wrong with this trip._

 _May 18_

 _Obviously I jinxed myself with that last entry. Not long after squelching myself into bed the alarms started going off. It was a hijacking. Naturally._

 _Knowing that Vash would throw himself completely into stopping the thieves, Millie and I had no choice but to involve ourselves as well. Damage control._

 _We soon found ourselves in front of two of the hijackers and, thanks to Millie's stun gun, in possession of two very serviceable disguises, even if they were a bit rank. I mean, seriously, haven't these guys heard of a shower._

 _We infiltrated the ranks of the gang and managed to end up right next to the leader. I will say that, thanks to our intervention, Vash was able to save the day. He was wounded terribly and so was the boy who had apparently stowed away to help with the hijacking. Thankfully the child switched his viewpoint (I've noticed a lot of people do that after spending time with Vash. Hmm.) and helped stop the runaway steamer. Even the gang leader aided that effort._

 _I keep being amazed by this man they call the Humanoid Typhoon. He is nothing like the rumors and yet…_

 _I'm currently sitting on the observation deck on top of the steamer, awaiting alternative forms of transportation. Millie is downstairs helping in the infirmary. There is a song drifting on the wind, a song I haven't heard since I was a little girl and my grandma would sing me lullabies. She told me it was a song from old Earth and had been carried through the stars to inspire the new colonies. There are so many memories that come to mind because of this song._

 _I think I will sit here for a little longer and remember._

 _May 19_

 _If my writing appears shaky, it's because I'm writing while on a moving bus. Our transportation from the steamer finally arrived and we are now on our way. We are at least two days away from the nearest town. I'm already bored out of my mind. I've managed to type up my last two reports, get my butt handed to me in poker, and stare out the window for way too long._

 _I wish I had a book or some~~~~~_

 _Later_

 _That jerk Vash startled me and made me screw up my entry. But we were able to save a wandering preacher man. He introduced himself as Nicholas D. Wolfwood. He seems a little shady to me. I mean there doesn't seem to be much need for priests except to bury the dead this far from the towns. But Millie has taken to him like a duck to water. I hope she takes care of herself._

 _May 22_

 _We've finally arrived in May City and par for the course, our journey was rife with trouble._

 _During the mid-day break, our transport was attacked by some form of machine. One of the passengers was injured and we all had to scramble to make it out of there in one piece. Unfortunately in the rush, a young girl was left behind._

 _Naturally Vash leapt to rescue. Quite literally. He jumped out the window of a moving bus to go and rescue some girl he barely knew. If I didn't know he was a notorious outlaw and a complete idiot, I would think he was a saint._

 _Speaking of saints, one thing did surprise me. The priest, Wolfwood, followed the idiot's lead. What am I supposed to do with one idiot with a hero's complex, much less two?_

 _Go after them, obviously._

 _It took some finagling and offering to pay triple our fare to get the bus driver to even think about turning around. When he finally did, we were so far behind the boys that we couldn't see a speck of them. Normally in situations such as these, I would question the locals for any clues. But since these locals were murderous robots, I wisely opted out. Instead we followed our ears._

 _Several loud crashes and explosions brought our attention to a particular patch of sand and we started digging. After several minutes of burning our hands on the sand, the noises ceased. Milly began panicking and brought out her stun gun. I was honestly shocked when it worked and we broke through into a cavernous plant._

 _And where was the gratitude for coming to the boys' rescue, I ask you. Nowhere, that's where._

 _Well at least the girl was safe._

 _Although now, I'm kinda PO'd at the priest. Last night he stole my seat next to Millie, forcing me to sit next to Vash. Full of Mercy my ass. More like BS._

 _June 12_

 _Sometimes watching Vash only manages to piss me off. I mean how can this guy live like this. Every day since we arrived in May City, he's gone out and played with the town's kids. No attempts at finding work or making money. Just goofing off and trying to pickup girls. I really can't get a line on this idiot._

 _And now I've just found out he's signed up for May City's 3rd annual QuickDraw competition. Doesn't he know how dangerous he is to normal folk? He could kill them all. Well, okay he probably won't kill anyone, but he could still cause a lot of damage. Especially if the townsfolk figure out that he's the real Vash the Stampede. It could be Inepril all over again._

 _I hope he knows what he's doing._

 _Later_

 _I guess he does know what he's doing._

 _Vash has entered the QuickDraw in order to help one of the kids and his mother. Of course the priest is the one who signed him up initially, but now Vash is 100% for the cause. And so am I._

 _I'm going to end here. A little too much booze and a little too much stress from helping Millie keep her clothes on._

 _Good luck tomorrow, Vash._

 _June 13_

 _Inepril all over again, but thankfully on a lesser scale._

 _The contest itself was fairly straight forward. Shoot to disarm your opponent. Normally this could mean kill as well as injure, but with Vash there? Somehow he managed to deflect the gunmen so there were no kill shots._

 _With pebbles._

 _From fifty feet away._

 _While hungover._

 _Unbelievable._

 _Wolfwood was also involved in the contest, thanks to Vash signing him up. In the end, it was down to the two of them. Naturally, considering their talents. But of course the mayor had to figure out that he had the real Vash the Stampede on his hands. When the bribe of half the $$60 billion didn't seem enough to entice Wolfwood, the mayor upped the ante by holding the kid and his mother hostage._

 _What a moron. Obviously he didn't realize the best way to turn the Humanoid Typhoon against you was to threaten innocent people. Two bottles of ketchup, some hammy acting, and a heavy-as-sin cross later and you can bet that mayor was regretting ever hearing Vash's name or setting on eyes on that most peculiar priest._

 _I'm really not sure what to think of a priest who handles weapons so professionally. Though I will say it is funny watching him get beat up by children._

 _July 15_

 _How often have I been surprised by this crazy outlaw? It seems like every day I find some new aspect to his character, something new to admire._

 _Today was no different. We had finally left May City and started travelling with a caravan. During the usual mid-day break, while Millie was off searching for some of her snacks, Vash was approached by several of the caravan guards. Apparently the owner had a job for him, something to do with his son. I wasn't allowed to follow, so I had no idea what he had been asked to do. All I know is that when he came out, Vash was acting completely out of character._

 _I was used to the flailing idiot, the boyishly charming womanizer, and the competent gunman. But this? This was the face of a killer, the face I had expected when I'd first been assigned to his case. Stoic, cold, and unfeeling._

 _It terrified me._

 _There was no way I was going to let this version of Vash out of my sight. This might be the man I would have to use my "risk prevention procedure" on._

 _Driving off into the desert with this unknowable man was probably not the best decision of my life, but it was my job. And I'll admit to a bit of curiosity. What could cause the donut loving fool to change so drastically?_

 _It turned out that he hadn't changed at all._

 _After a failed attempt at risk prevention, Vash handed me a letter that the caravan's owner had given him. It detailed how Vash was to "kill" his son in front of the guards, thus allowing the boy to disappear without a fuss. He even cracked open his gun to show me the rubber bullets he intended to use._

 _I was only able to stare, shocked once again by the lengths this man would go to help others. Catching my gaped mouth expression, Vash casually winked at me over his trademark sunglasses._

 _I swear to god I didn't blush. Much._

 _The hardest part of this venture was Millie. I didn't realize she'd been caught up in this fiasco until I saw her following the two kids. There was no way to warn her about was going to happen without alerting the guards. Millie's reaction, including the punch to Vash's face, tore at my heart. I'm sure it did the same to Vash's. Our reward though was watching the relief on Millie's face when she discovered the kids alive and well behind the sand dune._

 _I'm still not sure what drives Vash to be as self-sacrificing as he is. I hope to find out one day._

 _July 18_

 _Today was horrible. So much pain, so much death. All because of one man and I don't mean Vash._

 _The day started out normally enough. We had just arrived in a new town, one that Vash swore had the best boot maker on the planet. After his errand, we all sat around the town fountain enjoying the beautiful day. And, like a magnet attracting iron, Vash soon found himself covered in small children. His energy and enthusiasm pulled both me and Millie into that whirlwind of activity. I haven't had that much fun in years._

 _Then suddenly, it was over._

 _The boot maker had been murdered, his head removed and somehow placed right by Vash. The sheriff did the most logical thing a lawman could do. He took the most likely suspect and put him in jail. Except that man was Vash._

 _I was so furious._

 _I knew, with absolute certainty, that Vash was innocent. There was no way in this world that he would ever take a life. I mean, he goes out of his way to be the most superb marksman alive, just so he can avoid taking a kill shot. How could anyone think that he would just wantonly kill someone? It was ridiculous._

 _Seeing him in that cell though was another thing entirely._

 _Something in his expression must have spooked Millie, because she jumped about a foot when we first saw him and continued to act nervously. All I saw was a deep sadness that I hadn't seen before. I tried to reassure him that we wouldn't abandon him, but he pushed us...me away._

 _Then came the attack._

 _I've never seen Vash so panicked. He screamed and yelled for us to run, but it was too late. A monster of a man blew his way into the holding cell and proceeded to choke the life out of Vash. I did the only thing I could think of; I pulled one of my derringers._

 _What I got for my trouble was a backhand to the face. Millie did more for Vash than I did, distracting the hitman and allowing Vash to escape. But something in the way our gunman was acting seemed off to me. Normally, he sails through these types of confrontations with a silly and confident manner. But something about today had him acting skittish, like he was genuinely afraid of the outcome of this fight._

 _He ran through town, shouting for everyone to get away. I watched as he would shoot above people's heads, causing them duck right before the hitman attacked. Then, suddenly, it failed. The hitman made the monumental mistake of attacking a crowded street. At least thirty people, men, women, and children, were killed in the ensuing violence._

 _When we finally found him, Vash was no longer the man I remembered. He was broken on a level I hadn't seen before. All I could do was watch him walk away and hope and pray that he would return to me._

 _The conflict finally ended close to dawn, with Vash pressing a gun into the hitman's eye. My heart was in my throat as I prayed that he would find the strength to not pull the trigger. If he pulled the trigger and ended that man's life, he would truly be lost._

 _To my everlasting relief, he pulled back, tears streaming down his face. He was still Vash, not some monstrous version of his reputation. Just Vash._

 _Thank God._

 _July 21_

 _There is something about Vash the Stampede that defies all reason. Here is a man who drifts through life, having no lasting connections with anyone, yet he still maintains a carefree manner. He forgives others so easily, yet is ridiculously hard on himself. He is rumored to be a walking disaster, but all I have seen is him avoiding trouble as much as possible. It baffles me how this gentle man has come to lead such a life as he does._

 _I spent all day yesterday and most of the night attempting to write a report for Bernardelli describing Vash. It's the first time I've ever had any trouble writing a report. How do you describe such a contradiction? A gunman who refuses to kill, a lecher with a heart of gold? All of my attempts failed miserably._

 _If I'm truly being honest with myself, the most difficult part was making Vash sound like just enough of a threat to keep us assigned to him, but not too much of threat that our lives were in actual danger. It was a thin line and my guilty little pleasure._

 _You see, I really don't want to leave. No matter how exasperating he is and how angry he sometimes makes me, I get the feeling that we are the closest things to friends that this Humanoid Typhoon has. And that makes me sad._

 _Which brings me to another point._

 _This morning, after spending gruelling hours on that damn report, my coffee break was interrupted by a crash coming from, you guessed it, Vash's room. When Millie and I investigated, we found that he had merely tripped after getting out of the shower. Thankfully he was dressed, even though he acted like a girl who was being peeked on._

 _What was really shocking was the state of his body. Almost every inch of his chest and arms was covered in lines, scars, or metal grates holding scars together. One of his arms was completely cybertronic. His body was a roadmap of pain and compassion. These were his reward for being such a kind soul._

 _I wanted to know the stories behind every single mark._

 _This is the true Vash the Stampede. Not the monster everyone thinks he is, not the broom-headed idiot we first met, and not the annoying womanizer who doesn't know when to quit. This scarred and determined man with an unknowable past who refuses to let others suffer or die when he can help._

 _This is a man I would gladly follow to hell and back._

 _Not that he would let me._

 _While speaking with him, I let slip a little more than I wanted. I'm not sure if Vash caught it, but I know Millie did. She's never going to let me live it down. Oh, well._

 _I think we'll be leaving in the morning. The townspeople are getting antsy. I don't blame them, especially with what happened 3 days ago._

 _Time to pack._

 _July 25_

 _Family has always meant a great deal to Millie. Her marathon letter writing sessions have always made me feel ashamed of my own difficulty in writing home. Reports, journal entries, no problem. Letters to family somehow fall to the wayside._

 _Our latest adventure in Arcadia has proven to me the importance of family ties. Watching Badwick and his parents fight and reconcile has given me a lot of food for thought. But for now I'll just settle for writing to my parents._

 _Surprisingly, Vash had little to do with our escapade. Although I could swear I heard his gun go off at the climax of the conflict. Not to mention that there's no way my one tiny derringer could have offset the trajectory of the Nebraska family's shotput._

 _Hmm. I'll let him have that one. After all, he did owe me._

 _July 29_

 _Your job or your life? What kind of question is that, Vash? My job is my life._

 _You are my job, therefore ..._

 _Getting ahead of myself, I think. Time to back up._

 _After we left Arcadia, we headed towards Jeneora Rock. Vash was following rumors of a ruthless gang that had a bad habit of slave trading. Mr. Do-Gooder was raising his head again._

 _We had purchased a junker from Badwick's parents. It was old but serviceable. Unfortunately, when we were about half a day's drive from our destination, it broke down. I blame Vash and his rotten luck. Somehow, and don't ask me how, he managed to wreck our transportation. I think it involved a black cat._

 _Anyway, considering the situation, Millie and I both thought it only fair that Vash replace our car. Literally. We really weren't that far from town and Vash is strong. Really strong. He could handle it._

 _Arriving in Jeneora Rock was another matter altogether. The town appeared deserted. The only signs of life were us and Vash. Immediately after downing all of my water, he took off to find a bar. Typical._

 _However, something spooked him about the first place he tried. He refused to let us enter and proceeded to run around looking for information. Something about a white coat. The only person he found ended up injuring him._

 _The big baby, it was only a small cut._

 _But it didn't stop him from running up the giant plateau that the town was named for. It took us forever to climb up after him, only to find him harassing yet another woman. I feel only slightly bad about slapping him, but honestly what did he expect?_

 _Naturally, I demanded an explaination of his antics. What I didn't expect was the rejection. Vash has ordered us to stay away from him, saying it was life or death. But he doesn't understand. I can no longer separate the two in regards to him._

 _True, it could mean my death if I continue to follow him. But I couldn't live with myself if I just abandoned him. I would live, but some part of me would die anyway. Better to be by his side then safely at home, wondering and worrying._

 _So watch out, Vash the Stampede. Here I come._

 _August 12_

 _For two weeks, I have had to sit in Jeneora Rock and listen to people malign my gunman. Attributing the massacre of the Roderick gang to his, admittedly, long list of crimes was the final straw. I ended up venting my anger out on a couple of townspeople. They didn't deserve that. They don't know Vash like I do._

 _It's time to move on. I can't trust any of the rumors I hear in this town. Time to look elsewhere._

 _August 14_

 _Augusta._

 _He's in Augusta._

 _We ran into an evacuation convoy, saying that Vash the Stampede was in the town, shooting up the place and scaring everyone away._

 _There must be some dangerous confrontation happening there. That's the only reason I can think of for him to play up his reputation so blatantly._

 _Hopefully we can get there in time to stop him._

 _August 16_

 _He's gone._

 _There is a hole in the moon and he's gone._

 _I don't even know where to begin._

 _We arrived in Augusta to find it deserted and in the process of being destroyed. Against Millie's advice, I recklessly rode towards the explosions. I knew I would find him there. There was no other choice for me._

 _Before I reached him though... How to describe what I saw? A brilliant white light pulsing with energy. If not for Millie, I would have run straight into the light. Somehow I knew that he was at the center. I would have sacrificed myself just to see him once more. But Millie grabbed me and rode off in the opposite direction. That girl is strong. And smart._

 _If we had stayed, we both would have gone up in the resulting explosion. As it was, a hole was blasted into the moon, a permanent reminder of the strength of the Humanoid Typhoon._

 _Millie was right. If I'm dead, I won't be able to see him again. But since he's gone, I'm dead inside anyway._

 _August 30_

 _This is my final entry._

 _It's over._

 _We finally received our orders from Bernardelli._

 _Vash has been classified as the world's first Human Disaster, on par with tornadoes and earthquakes. And as such, the company will no longer be involved._

 _Tomorrow we will head back to the head office. But for tonight?_

 _Tonight, I grieve the loss of my gunman._

 _February 5_

 _Chasing rumors, that is what my life has become._

 _For the past six months, Millie and I have been charged with determining the difference between real Humanoid Typhoon sightings and fakes. I've gotten good enough at it that I don't even have to leave the office._

 _Today, however, was different._

 _A report came in from Little Jersey. Two men had been seen cleaning up the local thug population. A preacher carrying an enormous metal cross and a blond, spiky haired gunman. The preacher could only be Wolfwood and as for the gunman..._

 _When the report mentioned that not only had the bandits been cleared up but that there had been no casualities, I knew._

 _He's back. Vash the Stampede has returned._

 _Abut damn time._

 _I'm the happiest I've been since Augusta. Time to track down a Typhoon._

 _February 7_

 _Why do I even try getting on steam ships anymore? This one got hijacked by the Fris family in an attempt to destroy their enemies, the Polos. We weren't as lucky as last time though and unfortunately we got caught. The worst part is that we were in our pajamas. At least Millie had bottoms. I was stuck in my night shirt. Embarrassing._

 _Luckily the guy in charge of us was a moron._

 _After escaping and getting dressed, we had to track down the main hijackers. As we ran through the ship, a song came over the speaker system. Even though it had been months since I heard it, I recognized his voice. My heart fluttered in my chest and I began to run faster._

 _The only place where the voice could've originated was the control room, so that's where we headed. We arrived in time to watch as Vash prevented one of the Fris men from committing a murder. His face was bashed and bruised from where the man had punched him, but I could see the relief in his eyes. He had saved another life at risk to his own._

 _My idiot gunman._

 _Later, on the outskirts of the city, we were finally able to talk. Vash's life has been so chaotic, I don't know how he stands living from day to day. But I am glad that he is the same Vash from all those months ago. My life wouldn't be complete without him._

 _February 8_

 _You know what I said about chasing typhoons? You know I was kidding, right?_

 _Typhoon Jacqueline arrived this morning and with it came a floating SEEDS ship.I have no idea how that ship remained in orbit for so long. The advanced technology that helps keep our planet alive is beyond my comprehension. But Vash is somehow connected with the ship and the plants.. It would be pointless to ask him about it though._

 _When the ship crashed, we found out that there had been people living aboard. Once again though, trouble followed my gunman. This time in the form of puppets. Apparently a hitman known as the Puppet Master infiltrated the ship and killed over half the population. He also managed to orchestrate the fall of the ship. If that hadn't been enough, one of the young men sacrificed himself for Vash when one of the puppets, disguised as a young girl, got close enough to do a sneak attack._

 _Vash wept for hours._

 _He is so used to being the one doing the sacricing that when the tables are turned, he can't cope. I always have trouble knowing what to say when he is grieving for a total stranger, but for a friend?_

 _Maybe Wolfwood or Millie can help. I hope._

 _February 12_

 _After travelling for a few days, we arrived at Kebass. The town was heavily fortified and when we petitioned for entry, we were told in no uncertain terms to get lost. Jerks._

 _Fortunately we were able to take shelter in a nearby compound. The children who live here are all orphans with the same story. One day, all their parents and other villagers just up and walked out. No explanation, as if they were being controlled. This is only one more strange event in a long list of strange events. I have a feeling that Vash, and possibly Wolfwood, knows something about what's going on._

 _Despite this, today is the first day in awhile that I've seen Vash smile. Not his vapid idiot grin, but an actual smile. It was after the priest traded our emergency rations for shelter. I was about to thump the guy for giving up the food when Vash smiled. At me._

 _I guess these kids do need it more then us. Plus we can always get more._

 _Later, while I was showing a couple of the kids how to prepare dinner, Vash came up and started playing around. It was only when I'd managed to smack his hand away from the food for the third time, that I realized he was flirting._

 _Flirting. With me. The insurance bane of his existence._

 _That's when I decided to make donuts for dessert._

 _After dinner, the kids all basically collapsed. Watching them as sleep was a balm to my soul. In spite of their hardships, they still managed to have fun. They reminded me so much of Vash and his own child-like innocence. I hope they can maintain it like he does._

 _Today was perfect._

 _February 18_

 _The past week has been the worst of my life._

 _After having that perfect day with the children, the next morning went to hell. We were attacked by not only the townspeople but by giant sandworms. It turns out that one of kids was actually a hitman named Zazie the Beast. He controlled the sandworms with some sort of frequency, causing them to attack. Vash figured it out first and destroyed the device._

 _Unfortunately, Zazie also had guns. I've had guns pointed at my head before, but this time was different. This time I was unarmed with children around. This time Vash was protecting_ _me_ _, not some random stranger. This time I had to rely on and trust his ability to persuade his opponent._

 _But all that became moot when Wolfwood blew the guy away._

 _I can't say I was completely surprised. Sure the suddenness of the act caught me off guard, but the priest has always been the one in our group most likely to kill. I know for a fact that he has killed before. My concern was mostly for Vash and Millie._

 _We left town the next day. The surviving townspeople adopted the children and we drove off in search of... Something. Salvation? Absolution? Or maybe just answers. Answers as to why these hitmen kept coming. Answers to why all those children lost their parents._

 _We arrived in Tonim Town, one of the abandoned towns. In the town square was a large monument and painted across it, in bold red letters, was the word Knives. It seemed strange to me, but Vash stared at it for almost an hour. Obviously this word means something to him. I was astonished when he shot at it, a hard look on his face._

 _Since then, Vash and Wolfwood have avoided talking to one another. Millie and I trade off bringing food to each of the boys. Tonight was Millie's turn to feed the priest._

 _Hmm, its late. I wonder where she is._

 _February 19_

 _Millie._

 _Oh God, Millie. I don't know what to say to you._

 _Wolfwood is dead._

 _We were attacked by more hitmen today. Vash took care of a sniper outside of town while Wolfwood stayed in town to deal with the men there. I found Millie in the priest's rooms. Apparently she'd spent the night._

 _But now..._

 _God, what do I say to her?_

 _She helped me so much when Vash disappeared, but all I can do is watch as she cries._

 _I'm so sorry, Millie._

 _February 21_

 _Vash has left us behind again. Before he walked out the door though, I confronted him._

 _And learned more about the mysterious man I've been following._

 _His story is… Amazing to say the least. I don't even know how much of it I believe, except that I know Vash would never lie about something like this._

 _To think that he's been alive for over 130 years. That he had been born on one of the SEEDS ships. That he is, in reality, a plant. There is so much to take in. The Gung-Ho Guns, July, and August are all the work of his psychotic twin brother, Knives._

 _Even the truth behind Wolfwood, who gave his life to help protect this wonderfully innocent and naïve man. I can't begin to comprehend all the details and implications of Vash's history._

 _There are just too many questions left over. I need to know the answers. There is only one person who can provide them._

 _It's time to move again._

 _February 25_

 _I have made a horrible mistake._

 _After Vash confided his story to me, he left to search out Legato Bluesummers. Vash warned me what a dangerous man Legato was, and that Millie and I shouldn't follow him this time._

 _Did I listen?_

 _No._

 _I foolishly thought this would be like the other times I'd defied his command to stay put. I was so wrong._

 _We left the day after he did, and followed his trail to just outside LR town. On the outskirts, we ran into a distressed man. When we dismounted to try and help, we found ourselves surrounded by townspeople. We were quickly bound and dragged to the top of the hill overlooking the town. There were so many people around us that I couldn't see through them. But I could hear._

 _I heard Vash's desperate cries as someone threatened him. I heard him scream for our release. Even when the townspeople started to beat us, I heard his voice. Then I heard the gunshot._

 _All the people dropped as if dead, and if I hadn't seen them breathing, I would have thought they were. I struggled to sit up. Then I looked to where I had last heard Vash's voice. I saw a broken man, slumped down over a smoking gun with a white-clad body in front of him._

 _I begged Millie to help untie me. Luckily, she has nimble fingers and was able to undo the knots that bound my hands. I returned the favor, before rushing over to him._

 _Vash was staring blankly at the body in front of him. I assumed it was Legato. His forehead had a small hole in the middle of it, so perfectly round it seemed fake. But I, and Vash, knew the truth._

 _Oh, what a fool I was. If only I had listened then we wouldn't have gotten caught and Vash wouldn't have had to kill. I am grateful that he saved our lives, but at what cost? The most peaceful man I have ever known had been forced to break his greatest precept. All because I couldn't stand to be left behind again. How was I ever to atone?_

 _Millie came over to us and dragged me back to reality. We needed to leave. She tracked down a truck and we loaded Vash into the back. We drove in a direction (I was not sure which one), until we felt we were far enough away. We ended up in a small backwater town. Millie somehow arranged for lodgings, a small house with a couple of rooms._

 _Vash passed out soon after we took off from LR town and hasn't woken since. It's been three days now. I bandaged his external wounds as best I could, but until he wakes, we won't know what emotional damage there is._

 _I just hope he can forgive himself. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself._

 _February 26_

 _There has been no change in Vash's condition. He remains deeply asleep, almost in a coma state._

 _Millie has taken a job helping the town with digging a well. I am staying in the house to watch over Vash. I hope it is enough._

 _February 27_

 _Still no change. Vash's wounds are severe, beyond my meager skills to treat. Luckily there is a doctor in this town. He has been most helpful._

 _February 28_

 _Changed Vash's bandages. His wounds no longer bleed as much as before. This is a good sign, says the doctor._

 _I hope for him to wake soon, yet dread it at the same time. If he wakes, I'll know that he is still alive. But I don't want to see the broken look that I know will be in his eyes. I don't want to see the pain that I've caused him._

 _All I can do is hope he doesn't remember._

 _March 1_

 _I sent off a report to Bernardelli today, saying that we've stopped moving for the time being. I gave them no details about the cause of our settling down. That's none of their damn business._

 _March 2_

 _Vash's wounds have stopped bleeding and are beginning to close up._

 _Still no sign that he will wake up._

 _March 3_

 _No changes._

 _Millie says the townspeople are becoming curious about us. She has managed to defuse the situation for now, but I fear what may happen in the future._

 _March 4_

 _Last night, Vash began muttering in his sleep. Distressed sounds, moaning, and whimpering. I wanted to stop up my ears, but instead I sat by his side. I held his hand and wiped the sweat from his brow. It is the least I can do._

 _I think this means he will wake up soon_

 _March 5_

 _Vash woke up today._

 _I had gone out to buy some groceries. The landlord stopped me just outside our little house to chat about inconsequentials. I begged off quickly and ran into the house. When I entered the kitchen, I saw him sitting up in the bed we had placed there. I froze._

 _There was such a lost look on his face I couldn't bear it, so I started chattering at him. I can't even recall what I said now. I felt so useless._

 _Then he said that he remembered everything. I saw the cracks begin to show. He was trying so hard not to break down in front of me._

 _My father once told me that after traumatic experiences, the first thing you should do is let out all pent up emotions. Scream, cry, flail around. Anything to relieve the excess emotion. I could see that need building up in Vash._

 _I decided to beat a hasty retreat to allow him the privacy needed for such an outpouring. I made up a lame excuse and ran, but not far. I stopped just outside the door and listened to him scream all his anguish out. This was my punishment for my mistake. To hear all the heart rending cries and sobs. I punished myself._

 _He didn't stop for a long time._

 _When the screams disappeared into sobs, and the sobs quieted into silence, I finally ventured back into the room. He was curled on his side facing the wall. I could still see his back shaking with his soft crying. Gently, oh so gently, I sat on the side of his bed. I couldn't bring myself to touch him. All I did was whisper apologies over and over. My head swam with all the repressed guilt and grief that permeated the room._

 _Eventually I felt the bed dip as Vash turned over towards me. He asked, in a soft, choked up voice, what I was apologizing for. I told him that it was my fault he was like this. If I had only listened…_

 _A warmth spread across my back. He had placed his hand there in a comforting gesture. Turning to look into his face, I saw forgiveness. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else, he told me. At least you cared enough to take me away from there._

 _It was too much. To receive forgiveness from the man I had almost broken with my foolishness. It was too much, and yet not enough. I told him he should get some sleep and rose to leave the room._

 _Thank you, Meryl, was all he said as he drifted off. He didn't see the tears streaming down my face and I was glad for that._

 _March 6_

 _Vash has started wandering around the town. I'm glad for this, because it means he is almost fully healed. But it concerns me because I worry about the look in his eyes._

 _I see that he is lost in his own guilt. There is not much I can say to him that will make him feel any better._

 _I began repairing his coat this morning. The damage is not as bad as I originally thought. A few bullet holes and the right sleeve needs to be replaced, but other than that…_

 _I feel like a fool. I'm imagining that fixing his coat will make Vash himself whole again._

 _It couldn't hurt though. Right?_

 _March 7_

 _After all his wandering yesterday, Vash spent all day in the rocker on the porch. I continued sewing._

 _Around sunset he finally moved to the top of the hill overlooking the town. I followed him and listened to him singing that old lullaby of my grandma's. I couldn't help joining in on the second verse. It is one of my favorite songs._

 _He stared at me like he had never seen me before. I guess his friend (mother, sister?) Rem had sung that song all the time. I suppose it must bring up memories of the time before the Fall, but the way he looked at me makes me think they are good memories. I'm glad that he is having pleasant thoughts during this time of turmoil for him. If I can remind him of Rem, maybe he will return to the Vash that I've grown to admire and respect._

 _But I hope he sees me instead._

 _March 8_

 _Today was a disaster. I finished Vash's coat and decided to visit Millie at the well. I found her surrounded by townspeople, arguing over something. Imagine my shock to find that Vash had been captured and was being tortured for some imagined (or real, I can't be sure) injury to the people. I think it was more the fact that he is Vash the Stampede than anything else._

 _Good folks will do horrible things due to fear and ignorance._

 _I was trying to talk them out of stringing up Vash when one of the men pulled a rifle out. I was scared out of my mind that he would accidently pull the trigger, but I had to get him to understand. I don't remember what I said, but I know it had everything to do with Vash's life philosophy. No one has the right to take the life of another. Something along those lines._

 _I don't know what convinced the man to lower his gun and turn away, but I am glad he did. Millie was angry at me for putting myself in danger. Vash just stared at me like I had grown two heads. He's been doing that a lot lately. Then he stood up, grabbed me in a huge bear hug, and proceeded to fling me all over the place. I am NOT a rag doll, thank you very much!_

 _I had to smack him over the head to hide how absolutely embarrassed I was, but at least he seems to finally be coming back to normal. Well, as normal as Vash can be._

 _March 9_

 _This morning Vash left to confront his brother. I think he wanted to leave without telling us that he was going. Some misplaced sentiment about not causing us worry or something like that._

 _What a broom-headed idiot._

 _Doesn't he know that we would worry regardless if we know beforehand or not? He is our friend. Millie has already lost one friend, perhaps more than a friend, to this maniac Knives._

 _As for me, I want Vash to know… so many things I don't even know where to start. I started to say the most important thing, but Millie interrupted in order to bring him Wolfwood's cross punisher. I couldn't begin again after that. All I could do was watch him walk into the desert._

 _Now all I can do is wait and hope that he returns so I can tell him…everything._

The next morning…

Meryl was beginning to panic.

She could've sworn she had placed her journal in the top drawer of the dresser. In fact, she was almost 100% positive that she had. So where on earth could it have gone?

Not in any of the other drawers, not under her pillow or mattress, definitely not in the living room. Where could the blasted book have gone to?

Meryl growled lowly to herself. Her journal was not something she wanted to go missing. If a certain broom-headed gunman read it… Her heart was about to stop just thinking about the possibility.

'I know I promised Millie I'd tell him after he returned, but…it's so hard,' she thought. 'Maybe it would be easier if I did just 'accidently' leave it on the coffee table.'

Meryl contemplated the idea for a moment before shaking her head vigorously. 'What a cowardly way out of this situation. Plus I need to FIND it first.' She continued her search.

Not in the bathroom, not behind any of the furniture, not under a chair or table leg to steady it. Where could it be!?

A slight creaking came from the doorway. Without immediately turning around, Meryl called over her shoulder, "Hey Millie, have you seen my journal? I seem to have mis…placed…it" She stuttered to a halt, noticing that the form at the door was NOT her reliable partner, Millie Thompson, but the one person she didn't want to see right now, Vash the Stampede.

He was leaning casually against the door jam, arms crossed over his chest, a slight smirk on his lips. Meryl licked her own lips as the unconscious thought of 'damn, he's sexy' flitted in the back of her mind. Clearing her suddenly dry throat, she managed a soft "Good morning".

The smirk on his face grew into a genuine smile as he repeated the greeting. "Lose something?" he asked, noticing the disarray of the bedroom.

"Yeah," Meryl answered, still a little tongue tied.

"A journal, you said?"

She nodded.

"Small, red, twine around it?"

Her brows creased in confusion. "But how did you-" Her question was cut off when Vash revealed the journal sitting in his hand.

Meryl surged forward, exclaiming "Where did you find it?"

"Lying around" was his response.

She came to a stop right in front of him, hands still outstretched to claim her journal. Staring at the smiling gunman, Meryl began to feel very nervous. "Did you read it?" she asked in a soft whisper.

The smile expanded into a silly grin, as Vash placed the small book into her hands. "Now would I do something like that?"

"Maybe, if you thought there was something interesting in it." Staring at the floor, she curled the book to her chest and crossed her arms across it, as though to prevent any information from leaking out.

Vash shifted slightly, bringing Meryl's attention up to look into his eyes. Before she knew what hit her, he grabbed the sides of her face and lowered his face to hers. He stopped just short of kissing her, his breath tickling across her lips, bright aqua eyes staring into hers.

"You're right. I did think there was something interesting in there." Then he completed the almost kiss.

Meryl's eyes flew wide, as her wits flew apart.

Vash. The Stampede. Was KISSING her. Finally, as her mind slowly picked up on the hint, her eyes slid closed and she began to return the kiss. It was electrifying, a jolt that ran up and down her body.

Almost too soon, Vash pulled back and gazed down at the woman in front of him. Her eyes were still closed, but eventually fluttered open. Her cheeks flushed and eyes slightly glazed over, Meryl cleared her throat and began to ask "Umm, why did you k-kiss…?"

"Why did I kiss you?" Vash supplied, amazed at Meryl's loss of composure. "Like I said, I found something interesting in that journal of yours."

A slightly angry look crossed her face, "So you did read it?"

"Can you blame me?" he responded, dropping his hands to rest at his sides.

Meryl heaved a sigh of defeat. After all hadn't she just been thinking about letting him read her journal anyway? "I guess I can't. Not really. " Then she glared at him accusingly. "But how did you find it?"

He had the grace to look ashamed. "I found it yesterday when looking for that cleaning cloth of yours. You know, if you don't want it read, you should probably hide it better." Vash sidestepped her, crossed to her bed and settled himself down. Meryl turned, following his progress, arms still around her journal, a slightly worried look on her face.

Vash, in turn, just stared at her. He had his hands on his knees bracing his weight as he leaned forward, with the expression of an eager puppy. If he had a tail he'd be wagging it. He was obviously waiting for her to say something, but Meryl had no idea where to start.

"Sooo," she finally managed to drag out, a bright red blush heating up her face, "what did you think?"

"I rather enjoyed it actually. Despite all the references to me as an idiot." Vash grinned up at Meryl, who began to puff up in anger.

"Well you were being an idiot during those times," she ground out, crossing to her dresser and tossing her journal into the top drawer. She slammed it shut fiercely before turning and placing her fists on her hips. She took another breath in order to continue lecturing him, but he cut her off before she got the chance.

"What were you going to tell me the morning I left?"

Meryl deflated at the question. "But I thought…didn't you… you mean you don't know already?" she asked in confusion. "You said you'd read my journal."

The gunman cocked his head to the side, re-emphasizing his likeness to a puppy. "I did read it. I understood a lot of what you were saying. But I would like to hear it from you, if you don't mind?"

Gulping down the sudden fear that had arisen, Meryl stared into his eyes, looking for some hint of ridicule or contempt. All she found was the usual kindness, tinged with curiosity. Not exactly the emotions she was hoping for, but considering he HAD just kissed her… 'Well here goes nothing,' she thought, drawing in a deep breath and closing her eyes.

"I love you."

Silence reigned for a few moments before Meryl dared to crack open one eye. Vash was still sitting in the chair, only now his gaze was introspective and turned towards his feet. He also had a soft smile on his lips, making him appear, not happy, but content. Meryl stepped closer until her legs barely brushed his knees. She raised one of her hands to brush along the side of his head, whispering, "Vash…"

"You know, I've been on the run for almost my entire life," he started softly. "At first, after the Great Fall, I was running after Knives, trying to keep up with him. Then, I spent over a hundred years running AWAY from him and everything else. Just recently I realized that running was not the answer to my problems." He raised his eyes to hers, gratitude shining bright in the depths. "I have you to thank for that."

Meryl was stunned by the honesty of his confession. When he had told her the story of his past a few weeks ago, she knew it was a story only a few people before her had known about. This was different. Before had been facts, but this was a personal analysis of himself.

Vash reached up and took hold of one of her hands, the one that had grazed his hair moments before. He continued speaking, while gently brushing the back of her fingers with his thumb and staring at their joined hands. "I missed out on a lot of things while running. I never had time and if I stayed still too long, Knives would eventually find me and start hurting the people around me. The longest I stayed anywhere was a year, before I was forced to move on. I regret not forming the deeper relationships that I found in my travels. Friends, family," he glanced up again, "…love. You, Millie, and Wolfwood are the closest I've ever had to those relationships."

The gunman hung his head and released Meryl's hand to push his own into his hair and cradle his head. "I don't know how to deal with these feelings or even what they are," he mumbled.

The short woman placed her hands on both sides of Vash's face and forced his head up so she could look into the beautiful aqua eyes filled with sadness. Her thumb drifted across his cheek, as a soft loving smile caressed her face. "What are you trying to say, Vash?" she asked, barely daring to hope.

He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. When he reopened his eyes, the sadness had been overtaken by determination. Meryl held her breath as he spoke.

"I don't know if what I feel towards you is love or not." Her heart broke a little at this statement, and then soared at the next.

"But I'm willing to find out." He grinned up at her, the goofy look melting away all of Meryl's anxieties.

"I think I can live with that," she grinned back, before leaning down to continue the kiss they had left off earlier.


End file.
